Gaining Through Losing
by Xelias
Summary: Before the infamous love letter scene, Steiner teaches Beatrix a thing or two... BeatrixSteiner


A/N: My first FFIX fic, cranked out in an hour and a half. O.o; I don't have much to say about it… just that my aim is for Beatrix/Steiner and I'll probably write a sequel. ^^; I wrote this because, well… I think it's weird how the main cast just accepts Beatrix   
immediately with open arms when she switches sides. And I wanted to kinda present a tougher Beatrix than what I see in a lot of fics, especially in the Beatrix/Steiner scheme of things. That's really it!  
  
  
  


Gaining Through Losing  


  
  
Her Highness the Queen looked older somehow. Perhaps it was just the title that aged her— or perhaps it was the events that led up to her ascension. Truly, it felt like yesterday that Her Majesty had turned sixteen. Truly… it felt like yesterday Queen   
Brahne charged her with finding her and returning her home. She remembered the times with a heavy heart, as her heart had stayed of late— she knew how that ended.  
  
And how had Beatrix changed? How long since she was born, blind in one eye, but destined to be Alexandria's finest guardian? At that, how long had it been since she   
climbed the ranks of this proud military? And how long since her fealty urged the slaying of hundreds upon hundreds of Burmecian and Cleyran soldiers? …And civilians.  
  
… And nobody said a word. Not a word about it. How great, how respected, how _feared_ must she have been to earn such a silence. She was, yes, the perfect general she had always dreamed of being. But at what cost?  
  
For a reason she couldn't define, she felt Steiner knew. Felt that he now somehow   
understood something hidden deep within the depths of loyalty and honor that was lost on her. So there she stood at the door of his quarters, hand freezing above the fine wood before her knuckles could make a sound. Another moment passed, and she knocked.  
  
The door swung open swiftly, efficiently, his hands poised in seemingly contradictory positions— one at his chest in a salute, one ready at the hilt of his sword. But no armor or helmet. Prepared so clumsily for everything, Steiner… The old coolly competitive feeling welled up inside her and almost made her smile. But she didn't.  
  
Both hands dropped at the sight of her. "Ah, Beatrix. What brings you here this night?"  
  
She always felt as though she were taller than he was, in spite of his stature. Except now. Yet the solid gaze she fixed him with was still the same, though. Business as   
usual. It surprised her when she realized she really had nothing to say. Nothing she   
wanted forthrightly said, that is. She must have been pale, because Steiner's brow knit when she gave no reply and he moved back a few steps.  
  
"Perhaps I should invite you in! Pardon my rudeness."  
  
She complied as though snapping out of a trance and breezed past him, voice calm as it ever was.   
  
"Yes, certainly."  
  
Beatrix sat at the small table in the center of the room, eye casually scanning the area. Steiner's quarters were unsurprisingly devoid of any grandiose decoration— ornamental swords hung next to the tidy desk (in front of which most of his armor lay at the moment), the Alexandrian flag hung from one wall, the expansive rug Queen Brahne's rose emblem…  
  
She touched the same signet on her glove. Steiner awkwardly sat in the chair next to her, studying her face. When it became clear that she wasn't going to speak, he cleared his throat and shifted, quite unsure of what to say.  
  
"…It is good to finally see the Princess rise to the throne."  
  
It earned him a sharp look from Beatrix and he recoiled slightly, stumbling over his words at his own insinuation.  
  
"Th-that is, I would never have wished it to come about in such a way, but it is done and now she _must_ accept her position. And she is doing a fine job of it, I might say! I don't imagine it is easy for her, especially so soon after…"  
  
His voice trailed off into nothing as he noted the subtle change in Beatrix's stern   
expression. He stared a few seconds, trying to decode it. She saved him a bit of trouble as she finally spoke.  
  
"I hope that _is_ all it is."  
  
"Beatrix?"  
  
Her gaze suddenly darted off to the side, hand clenching under the smooth leather of her glove. "I hope merely the Princess's excitement is the cause of this… _single-mindedness_."  
  
"What are you saying?!" The poor Captain looked taken aback.  
  
"Hundreds are dead by my hand _alone_ and _no one_ seems to remember!" She stood sharply, causing the legs of the wooden chair to hiss against the rug. "_Why_?"  
  
Steiner was quiet for a long time, staring at her hand on the table. Sitting there in his room, without his armor, hair short and dark and rarely seen, he looked like a different man to Beatrix. The unfamiliarity of it all did little to help the hot, sick feeling inside her. He finally looked up and his tone took her aback almost as much as the words themselves.  
  
"Why _did_ you do it?"  
  
She slumped back down into her chair, staring numbly into the space a centimeter from Steiner's shoulder. She was defeated.  
  
"…I had my orders…"  
  
Steiner sighed a bit, as if he'd heard the phrase a million times before. Finally leaning forward again, he offered an ironic little smile.  
  
"I have learned, Beatrix… that sometimes our loyalties and our obligations don't get along as we believe they should. It is difficult to understand for the likes of you and I, but— I have learned, at last, that we are all the wiser."  
  
Without a word, Beatrix's hand traveled the small distance to rest atop Steiner's, watching a curled tendril of hair fall from behind her ear.   
  
"I see."  
  
She stood then and turned towards the door. Smiling a little, she uttered a humbled 'thank you' and disappeared into the corridor.  
  
The journey back to her room was shorter than it usually seemed. But before she slipped inside, she couldn't help but peer over her shoulder into the corridor to the main hall.  
  
And how had Beatrix changed?  
  
And how had Beatrix _changed_...  
  
  
_~fin_  
  



End file.
